To reconvene a farm

So i have got to the point where I seldom see daylight.

We've had a few big 'things' going on at work - and that means I've been in early and leaving late. I haven't done anything in the garden. I've barely kept the house up together. Well, no I haven't.

I'm getting a shed for my birthday. Or at least, I hope I am. Whether I will see it before spring is another thing.

We have a pressing sense that we really need our smallholding to happen. That we need to live with love, joy, simplicity, walking lightly.

Yet here we are. Tied to work. Neck deep in debt for the umpteenth time.

Coming home from having my hair cut this morning, through wild amber autumn in the lanes, distant mist on the downs, I thought, just what could be better than this, than outdoors. I have to get back to it.

By searching.

We just had a couple of weeks that were ... well ... they hammered us.

Night after night of appointments, meetings, trips to take people places - punctuated by a church weekend away which was OK, but not uplifting enough to make up for the fact that that is now fourteen days straight with no real time for house cleaning, menu planning, shopping, proper cooking, as much as a quick walk by way of exercise, or a single hour in the garden.

I am whooped.

I have a lot to do this weekend, but at least I'm at home.

In the middle of all that I got really, really ill with something diagnosed as ibs which is almost certainly not ibs, but anyway, I thought it was going to finish me off.

To add to the joy tonight I had a bit of a tantrum about wanting the plain and simple life back again.  It's there, in our hearts and our intent. We just are so flat out, it's not peeking through.

We can do this.