In uncharacteristically lucid moments.....
November 16, 2007 an english country garden
I have a vision!
I shall be a content, settled, englishwoman, whose children go to school and yet who does not feel guilt every day because of this. Of course they go to school. They like school. Why on earth would I keep them here all the time?
I shall have a blissful garden, fit to be opened on charity days, and I shall remember the names of obscure varieties of plants, which I shall discuss knowledgeably with my fellow gardeners. I might even join the garden club.
I shall have my vegetable, plant and craft shop, in a little shed, beside my house, and I shall have old, fat, purebreed hens, pecking around the door. I shall make something of a living from this, enough to pay the school fees maybe, and it will make me happy. I shall go grey, and possibly even have a perm.
I shall hack out with my children, hunt occasionally, and take them to pony club, where they will be average but happy, we shall never excel, but their childhood will be golden.
When they marry, I shall buy them cookbooks and Cath Kidston aprons and babysit for them willingly, without feeling the need to turn them into puritan matriarchs.
Meanwhile, I shall help them with their homework, read Thomas Hardy and Anthony Trollope with them, continue to take them to Olympia, and teach them to pluck their eyebrows and use moisturiser. Before it's too late (as in my case.)
I might write the odd recipe book, or word or two of nostalgic prose, or at least I shall screen print my christmas card each year, and design nice labels for the plants I sell. I shall make pumpkin soup and force my friend Ali to come round for luch at least once a term, to browse my little shed shop and walk over the downs.
I shall grow old gracefully, smell of lavender, keep up My Standards, and be rather a dear Grandma. Of course, I shall always love God, and I shall give Him all the glory for this gentle existence, but i shall feel no need to be a zealous fundamentalist, blowing His trumpet for Him hither and yon. He has angels to blow trumpets, and can convert folks through His Holy Spirit - if people see Him in me it will be through the comfort of a mug of soup, a nicely sewn angel for the tree, or my children, who I pray will be a good example, and testimony of love.
I shall not be found writing words of wisdom when my children need a hug.
I shall bake mince pies and keep mulled wine on the go throughout the whole of December, and you will be most welcome to visit. Knock the snow off your boots and come on in!
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