Lament for Lost Innocence

Today, we went to a CofE church in our town. It was a challenging service, as there were two christenings going on, the church full of people who didn't really want to be there, and the incessant racket of discontented children, running riot all over the place.
It wasn't a good day to visit. The youth workers tried hard to talk to H, but it was more than she could take in. She ended up very tearful, with them being full on fab, groovy, you are going to love our wild and crazy kids activities, and her obviously praying for the security of her strict baptist sunday school where as wild and crazy as it gets is colouring!

Even before we went, I had a qualm about times gone by.

A few years ago, I would no more have visited the CofE church in town, than flown in the air! Scott Savage's The Plain Reader was the most thumbed book after the Bible, silence and the oil lamp reigned in our house. Heartily we homeschooled, peacefully we sought the old paths, the plain way .....

Now, I will admit, this caused us to take some dubious side routes with regard to the religion in our life, but in the calm before this morning's storm, I was suddenly reminded of moments from Savage's other book, another favourite, A Plain Life. Specifically, the moments shared with his daughter in the pre dawn barn, and the joyous garden planning of New Years Day, and I nearly wept.

These used to be my aims for my week, such precious, family close, earth scented silences, such private, prayerful, blossoming truths. This week, I will do Brownies, Guides, Pony Club, a couple of meetings, and no doubt wrangle with possibly arranging school for the children.

Where has it gone, Lord, and why? Is this sea change Of You, or am I so far from the right path, I can no longer even see it. Straight is the gate, and narrow the way. Have I fallen on the broad path?

I have a heavy heart tonight. Neil is sanguine. If we are wrong, he says, the Lord will show us. But children are such a precious duty, such a beautiful responsibility. What if I am wrong?