So I'm into my second half century

and beginning to take stock, here.

There is so much I would like to change, and yet I am so inextricably tied to others, that it is no longer simple.

I have a sense of needing to get beyond. I feel limited by what everyone imagines me to be, imagines my family to be, imagines community to be, imagines christianity to be. By and large, it is all a complex fallacy.

I long to be able to get beyond it all. And yet in some sense, I know that to do that, I have to breathe, stay calm, and concentrate on the minute detail.

We went out for lunch, and I got some lovely presents, including a book about year round growing in the polytunnel, which is absolutely brilliant. Oh and Nella Lasts 50s from Ali, which is pure treasure.

Beautiul flowers, and lots of fuss from the girls. A typically foul November day, in which we got to battle the wind and icy rain.

This evening, Neil had to go back out to work, and I have curled by the fire, reading my polytunnel book, browsing around websites, reading up on communities, and trying to decide if I can find a middle way - a way to be family, and therefore separate, but also open, and therefore community.

I worry that my daughters don't get to travel, and travel broadened my mind so much, and is so vital ... but am thinking with restarting our WWOOF programme, maybe we can bring the world to them?

Ah, the ramblings of an old woman by her fire of an evening.


Ellen said...

I adore your ramblings, you lovely woman. I'm so glad you had a happy (albeit chilly and damp) birthday. I'm also so glad you were born.

Rachel said...

Happy Belated Birthday, Jackie! It sounds like you had a lovely day and were spoiled by your family. Your birthday must be pretty close to my date (1st Nov).
I've been hearing that you've had a lot of rain over in those parts lately. I've just come in from watering and weeding in the garden and my back is aching and I feel dusty and dirty, so curling up in front of the fire on a stormy night sounds nice right about now. :o)

Alison said...

Lovely blog entry and glad you liked the book ! Ali xxx

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