Oh boy, our lives are complicated.
We have to ask, have we gone wrong somewhere - and we have to consider all the things we are doing, and how we may be out of God's will.
Today, I caught sight of a taxi job in the local paper, and Neil phoned up about it. We're still waiting to hear, but it's a chance of a full time job, barely above minimum wage, but regular (oh, I'm almost excited about the notion of having a regular income to set against regular outgoings) - and I would have to run the farm sinlge handed - I can do that, if I have to.
What is really testing us is whether we have made a mistake in sending the girls to school - it's a very small fee, more of a co-operative funding arrangement, and they've been incredible lenient to us in our hardship - but is this time of trouble to do with being out of God's will? Where do we stand on school?
Academically, they are gaining with French and Spanish, losing with History and Geography (ow, Mummy's and Daddy's pet subjects respectively), breaking even in most other subects (though H is getting away from me in maths, so that is probably a gain) and then gaining from those things we couldn't provide - PE, Drama, Choir - in this country, there IS no christian home ed community locally. Not for us. That's where we went wrong before. Isolation is not nice, and both of them love all that 'group' stuff.
We do feel we are losing them to some extent to our family vision - but on the other hand, they are learning to develop their own vision - which of these should prevail? The travel element is nearly killing me, and of course, it costs a lot of money. Which at the moment, we don't have.
They are in school all day, and doing homework all night. They almost never ride. It is hard to teach them to keep home, to take part in our business, to do the chores they're committed too. Something will need to give. I've been aware for some time that we're trying to live two lives. And they don't fit.
If Neil gets the taxi job, we may have to take them out of school for at least a term, if not two, while we catch up with the backlog, and stop spending all that money on diesel for a while. Perhaps that will make us all think.
Tonight, Cormac got colic - he's been really poorly, and another huge vet bill looms on the horizon. I am sitting on the sofa at nearly midnight, waiting to check on him, before going to bed for six hours of not much rest. Vet again tomorrow.Late on into the process, I decided that no one was going to school tomorrow. We're too tired. Harrie is too harrowed. We'll catch up on homework, all being well with the boy.
There is a shred of optimism. If we can get this job, just for a few months, while we build our business. If I can run the farm, and make a little extra and ... if we can ... keep up with school? Go back to homeschool? If we can get our feet back on dry land?
We value your prayers, and all your support.
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