Tonight the girls had a friend around for a bonfire tea (sausages, baked potatoes and baked beans, followed by baked apples and cream) and a few sparklers round the bonfire, it was lovely to do something to mark this special English festival - next year maybe we'll make a party of it!
Things are tough around here at the moment, and we are pretty close to deciding to get rid of all the goats, many of the chickens, and a lot of the sheep. The exhausting schedule, and the financial drain, are doing for us here.
When we began, we had a lot of high ideals, a lot of beliefs, which, maybe in another time and another place, were valid, real things, but in this time and this place, are delusions.
Maybe it's the tough financial climate, maybe it's the children growing up, or the move to school, but suddenly, it feels like all we've done is create a millstone for our necks.
I know I'm struggling now, as I approach a particularly big birthday, and I feel as if it's all over bar the shouting, and yet my precious days are being absorbed with endless pointless chores and trivia. The golden hours I want to capture forever, are nothing but driving, washing up, and endlessly moving junk around from one place to another!
I wonder if this time we really will let it all go, or if this time next year, I will still be slogging through the mud, wondering why?


Ellen said...

Your bonfire tea sounded wonderful; I wish I had been there, eating all the delish food and gathered round the fire, sparklers alight. I am sorry to hear everything seems a muddle right now; it is often so hard to see what to do because all the particulars keep getting in the way. I'll be praying for clarity for you all as you face your decisions. Love from across the pond!

Cat said...

Happy birthday, dearie. :~)

Well, that's how we got out of bees and milking a cow and such. Sometimes life changes. But new things always come, and you can always bring back the things you miss, one way or another.

Dorothy said...


All I can offer is a sympathetic ear. Dreams do change over time. I think that's just part of being human. And especailly part of being a parent.

Becoming 50 isn't 'all over bar the shouting', honest! I think I've achieved more in the last two years (since 50) than I did in the whole of my 40's!

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